An Interview
by Alpenwolf
Summary: After the Reaper had been destroyed Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani interviews Commander Shepard again.


Disclaimer: This is just a joke. Sort of at least, so don't take it too seriously.

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**Interview**

"So, Commander. Do you expect a promotion in the near future?"

"Sure. Admiral rank at least for my deeds in this war."

"And what you would do if you won't get a promotion?"

"Kill them all off and make myself the ruler of the galaxy, of course."

"Commander?"

"That was a joke, miss al-Jilani."

"If you say so, Commander," she replied, a bit unsure. "I still have a few questions left for you."

"I'm sure you do," he replied, completely full of himself.

"They are mostly about your adventures with the Normandy and your crew."

"Ah," he replied smugly. "Then the answers will be 'I'm a big and mean asshole'."

al-Jilani blinked at that and paused for a second. "What... do you mean, Commander?"

"Just start with the questions."

"O-okay," al-Jilani replied. "There have been rumours that you might have had feelings for Ashley Williams. She was the one you let die on Virmire. Why did you rescue Kaidan Alenko and not Ashley Williams, Commander?"

"The answer to that would be that I'm a big and mean asshole, but since that wouldn't tell you anything I will elaborate. The truth is that she had feelings for me, but I only wanted her in my bed. I used those feelings. After that I had the distinct feeling that she wanted a relationship. She probably thought we were in one. I wasn't amused. I'm not one for relationships. I just want sex. Fortunately, for me, there was the Virmire incident. Sure, I could have saved her, but that would have meant I would have to deal with the whole 'I-don't-want-a-relationship-with-you' thing. So, I rescued Kaidan instead of Ashley. That's all. I'm a big and mean asshole."

'_More like a bastard,_' she thought to herself. '_And this person is called the hero of the galaxy? My little dog is more of a hero then this bastard.'_

"Next question?" he asked her, that smug grin on his face widening.

"Right. Why did you really save the Councillors at the attack of the Geth and Sovereign?"

"Killing my superiors because I hated them wouldn't look good in my records."

"So, you are saying you decided to sacrifice the humans soldiers for your career?"

"You could see it that way, but I just opened the relays at that time and answered what I would do. And yes, for my career, but Hackett could still have overruled me. He was and still is an Admiral. I'm just a lowly Commander, hero or not. I'm just a Commander." Commander Shepard said and waved it off his non-existent conscience.

"Right." '_Bastard.' _"There have been rumours that you had sex with Kelly Chambers and with Miranda Lawson on board the Normandy SR-2. Is that true?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"How about because I just could? That, and I'm an asshole?"

"That's not an answer, Commander!"

"Right. Okay. Chambers is a xenophiliac nympho. She loves every race there is and would probably even go in bed with a volus or a hanar. I just wanted to have fun, and she agreed to it. That's all there is to it."

"What about miss Lawson?"

"Well, I think it was designed as a trick to take control of me, but I just saw an opportunity to bang her, so I agreed to the sex. Which was good by the way. The sex."

"A pity that she isn't alive anymore, don't you think so, Commander?" '_He'll probably say no.'_

"No."

_'Just like I thought.' _"Why is that, Commander?"

"It's the same as the thing with Ashley. If she was still alive, I would've to deal with a relationship that I didn't want."

"Is that so, Commander? And what about another reporter, Diana Allers? Was she also just a plaything to you?"

"Yes."

"So, basically, everything you did was for your own career, and 'for fun'? Even killing Wrex on Virmire, tricking the Krogans into believing that you would help them? The death of Urdnot Bakara? Killing the quarians? Destroying the geth and the Reapers?"

"Yeah, I killed Wrex on Virmire because he didn't wanted to see reason. Wreav was just a stupid idiot and thank god Mordin saw it too. Had I given them the cure they would have killed us by now. And no, I didn't kill Bakara. She was the only krogan I ever had respect for, even if it was the same kind of respect you give a dog. The quarians killed themselves, because Han'Gerrel didn't listen to me and just attacked, making the geth just up and annihilate them. It made it way easier for me to kill the geth and the Reapers together. And, hey, the Turians got a few new planets they could settle on."

"You heard it people. Commander Shepard, the hero of the galaxy is not just a massive asshole, but the biggest righteous bastard this universe has ever seen. He .."

Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani expected the punch more than she saw it. She ducked under the first one by chance. The second one she saw coming a mile ahead and dodged it also, but she had never seen the kick coming. Once she was on the ground she was getting beat up for good by him.

"No one messes with my career," Commander Shepard said out loud after he was finished with her, thinking that the interview he participated in hadn't been broadcasted live. Unfortunately for him, it was. Everyone in the entire galaxy had seen it, and now they knew who the real Commander Shepard was.

It doesn't need to be mentioned that Commander Shepard's career was finished after the interview.

Before anyone could get to him, he learned about his career's demise. His hatred for journalists skyrocketted, and he started to murder them en masse. It made him a serial killer, and therefore, without anyone to say otherwise, it was easy to sentence him to death by shipping him to Tuchanka. It would give the krogans closure by killing the one who doomed their race.


End file.
